


Conversations

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 21:03:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19070626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: Virgil faces some of his feelings.





	Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place shortly after Virgil's recovery from his injuries.

He was on the dark, ebony plane again. How did he get here? He felt dazed, dizzy, confused. He heard a noise in the darkness, and whipped around, barely dodging an explosion of blue. He tripped over a green strand, regaining balance long enough to put up a shield as a wash of flame rushed around him, blasting him with heat.  
What was happening? This didn’t make any sense. He’d gotten them home, hadn’t he? He couldn’t remember. He heard His laugh, that slow, deep sound that chilled him.  
“What’s the matter, Luca?” The voice echoed from everywhere around him, the sound ringing in his ears, in his mind until it hurt.  
They stepped out of the shadows then, and he bit back an anguished yell. Their eyes glowed yellow, their heads tilted unnaturally, smiles plastered on their faces. Golden ropes wrapped around their hands, legs, arms, necks, extending into the shadows, where the puppet master lingered.  
“Let them go. I don’t care what you want, just let them go!” He cried out, Deceit appearing, finally, hovering above them all, holding onto their marionette strings.  
“I don’t know, these puppets are quite fun. Maybe I’ll play with them a while longer.”  
He wrenched Patton’s arm back, and Virgil heard a sickening snap. Another flick of his wrist and Roman drew his sword, plunging it into his own heart. He snapped his fingers and Logan’s head twisted at an unnatural angle as he fell limp as a rag doll to the ground.  
Patton looked up at him, eyes clear for a moment, pain and fear shining through and he knew, he knew, they could feel everything happening, they just couldn’t stop their limbs from moving.  
“Don’t. Milo Don’t.” He pleaded, eyes never leaving Patton’s, his own voice echoing as it only did when he was truly, deeply, afraid.  
“welllll, I suppose I could make an exception. For a price, of course.” Patton shook his head, but Virgil didn’t care, he could take anything, anything but this.  
“Just let him go.” His voice shook.  
“As you like.” He snapped his fingers and Virgil fell to his knees, golden threads wrapping him tight, leaving him hardly able to breath, burning and biting into his skin, electric heat burning through his veins as he was shoved out of the forefront of his mind. It was like looking through a window, unable to do anything but watch.  
Patton cradled his arm, eyes glazed with pain as he slumped to the floor. Virgil could feel his intentions, alarm racing through him as he pounded on the glass.  
“no. NO, you said- “  
“I said I’d let him go. I never said what would happen next.” His voice whispered as Virgil’s body lunged forwards, power that wasn’t his unspooling from his hands, a white-hot dagger of light forming, stabbing down, plunging into Patton’s heart.  
He could feel Patton’s pain and forgiveness and that forgiveness made it worse, he could see the light leave his eyes, he pounded and pounded against the glass until his fists were bloody, his shoulders bruised black, until the blood stopped flowing and Patton’s heart stopped beating.  
“You should have stayed with me, Luca. You should never have made friends. They’re just a tool to be used against you.”  
The images replayed over and over in his head, the look on Patton’s face, the smiles, the broken necks, stained shirts, gashes, burns, twisted limbs and always their faces, always their pain, always his fault, his fault, his-  
He shot up in bed, biting back the scream building in his chest, shaking and paralyzed for a moment, unable to think, to stop panicking.  
Living room. Their living room. It was decorated in black streamers and purple light catchers, set up by Patton and Roman, with direction from Logan on what placement would look the most aesthetically pleasing.  
Safe, safe, it was fine, it was a dream, it was a nightmare, that’s the only place Milo could reach him, a figment of his own mind, his own fears.  
He hadn’t realized he was moving until he stopped, hand raised, ready to knock. He hesitated, the light blue door a bit dimmed in the dark, and Virgil bit his lip. Why did he always feel like this when he was about to knock? It was like standing on the edge of a precipice, and he couldn’t bring himself to take the step over into the abyss.  
But it wasn’t an abyss. It was just a door, just Patton’s door. So why did his hand shake so badly, why couldn’t he bring himself to just knock? Of all of them, he knew Patton understood him the best, because Patton dealt with bad feelings too, he was the easiest to talk to, he should’ve been able to just knock on the damn door.  
He let out a frustrated sigh and turned, walking down the hallway, stopping in front of his door.  
He let out a long breath, sliding to the floor across from it, leaning back on the wall and looking up at the door. He pulled his knees to his chest, shaking his head. This was stupid, what was he doing, sitting out here? What was the point, staring at the door? It’s not like it could attack him, it was supposed to be his.  
Every time he tried to make something for himself, Milo had to have it, had to take it and twist it and burn it to the ground. For what? Because he was jealous? Because he was lonely? He’d been all those things too, and he wasn’t skulking around like a super villain. At least, he hadn’t for a long time.  
“Hey kiddo.” Patton sat down on the ground next to him, yawning. “Bit early to be up and about, huh?” Virgil let the question go. He couldn’t look at Pat, if he looked at Pat all he’d see…  
He closed his eyes. In four, hold seven, out five. Repeat. It was a minute later when he finally cracked them open again, glancing sideways at him, weary wry smile on his face.  
“Hey.” He replied simply, resting his head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. He could feel Patton’s eyes on him, the concern and watchfulness emanating from him in waves.  
“This makes it almost every night this week, doesn’t it?” Patton asked softly.  
“I didn’t think you noticed.” Virgil replied, watching Pat from the corner of his eye, watching him breath, watching him blink. He was fine, they were fine, it was fine.  
“We all noticed, Virg. We just never know when to say anything.” Patton replied, pausing. “How bad was it?”  
“Don’t ask me that. You don’t want to know that.” Virgil replied, pulling his hoodie tighter around his head.  
“Virgil…” Patton trailed off.  
“I just… I hate it, I hate him! It’s not fair. Everything good I try to make or do just gets torn apart. I can’t go in my room, I can’t go visit the Darkside if I wanted to, I can’t even sleep because I’m just…. terrified.”  
“So bad then.” Patton said softly. Virgil ran his hand through his hair, letting out a rough sigh.  
“It’s not… ok. You know that being around Thomas’s friends helps calm me down. Well, being around you guys just hanging out calms me down the most. Because you’re my friends. And I care about you.” Patton nodded, listening closely. Virgil shivered, hugging his legs tighter.  
“Well I almost lost all of that. If you had gotten hit with that arrow, if any of you had, you would be dead, or whatever happens to us, anyway. They can do anything they want to me, I don’t care, but watching all of you, any of you, get hurt or… or worse… because of me… you know how my mind works. I can’t stop seeing it, or a version of it, or… or worse.” He muttered, feeling stupid.  
“Virgil? Is it ok if I hug you?” Patton asked, scooching closer. Virgil half smiled, nodding. Patton wrapped his arms around him, hugging him closely.  
“It makes it so much harder. I feel guilty for things I haven’t even done, scenarios that make no sense. I want to say something, I know I should just say something, but I can’t, I just, I can’t.” He muttered, frustrated with himself.  
“But you’re saying something now. That’s something. Before you would’ve just sat here in silence with me, or told me to leave you alone. Even if you’re not able or ready to ask to talk yet, you’re trying.” Patton said, Virgil resting his head on Pat’s shoulder, sighing. They sat there for a long moment, in silence.  
“It wasn’t all bad, y’know? I was never that close with any of the others, but me and Milo just always stuck together. He just… got me, I guess. He was patient and mischievous and fun. He’s not all lies, or bad lies, anyway. He’s about deceiving people. All the pranks and scares and surprises, they were him as much as Roman. He protects Thomas in the same way I do. He could be so good, if he’d just stop and listen to me.” Virgil said, pulling out of Patton’s hug, but staying close to him. “he used to listen to me.” He looked down, fiddling with his hoodie strings.  
“Hey. You can’t control what other people do, you can only make choices for yourself. You can try and lead people in the right direction, a better direction, but it’s up to them to follow. Maybe things did used to be better with him, or maybe you were just different then too. You’ve changed and grown so much from when we first met you. What’s important is that you tried. And you decided what was best for yourself was to leave. That’s brave Virgil. You pushed me out of the way, knowing you might die. You get up and keep going every day even though you’re scared. That’s what Milo doesn’t understand. To do all that, to keep going, that is strong and very, very brave. And one day you’ll understand that, and you won’t be afraid of him anymore, because you’ll know you’re stronger and braver than he is. One day you’ll march through that door and make him listen as you tell him everything he’s ever made you feel, both good and bad, one day you’ll be able to see that his words are just words, and your actions mean so much more than his lies. It doesn’t have to be today, or this year, or the next. Just, someday, you’ll wake up and realize you don’t have to be afraid anymore. And every day is a step in that direction, both good days and bad. And every day we’ll be here for you, to cheer you up, or give you space, or talk, or just sit in silence if that’s what you need. Because that’s what family does.” Patton finished, Virgil biting his lip, looking up at the door.  
“I don’t feel brave.” He said, absently.  
“You are. You just don’t know it yet.” He looked up at Patton, who sounded so sure, so sincere, and let out a deep breath, letting himself relax, letting the tension fall from his shoulders. He didn’t know if he believed Patton, but it was enough, right now, to know Patton believed in him.  
“We should get back to bed, before Logan comes out here and harps on us for ruining his perfect sleep schedule equilibrium, or whatever.” Virgil said, pushing himself to his feet, helping pull Patton up. Patton smiled, bumping him gently as they walked back down the hall.  
“Virgil… have you talked to Roman?” Patton asked, hesitating in his open doorway. Virgil shook his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You should. I think you guys are more similar than you think you are. And he feels guilty, about all of it.” Patton said softly, closing his door, leaving Virgil alone in the hall.  
Roman. He didn’t know what he’d say to him. How to say what he wanted to say to him. He was just so… much. That was a thought for a different day.  
He wiped his eyes on his sweater sleeve as he headed back to the living room, frowning at the inky darkness that came away. He was just tired. He curled back up in bed, knowing for tonight, at least, there wouldn’t be any more dreams.


End file.
